Thursday, October 30, 2008

When Monkeys Misbehave

That's one horny monkey...

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This Hooters Waitress Has Talent

In the spirit of Halloween we at BH have been poking fun of random web chodes in stupid, strange costumes and the occasional ugly guy. We thought that in light of the upcoming festivities, that we should show some appreciation to our best dressed, Halloween costume participant. We recognize the fact that there are many hard-working, respectable women at Hooters' locations all across the country, after all it is a fine eating establishment with tasty beer and delicious wings. However, I think the majority of us just go to catch a game and check out the talent. Whether the ladies are redneck or not, young or old, sometimes talent is simply talent, but shouldn't there be employee age restrictions?

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Costume I Never Ever Want To See Again

I don't even know what to say about this. There are many things going on here that bother me. First of all, the kitten drinking the milk out of the belly-button is naturally a little off. Not that I'm denouncing this as immoral and abhorrent, it's just that everyone knows that milk gives kittens worms. Hell, we all love a little kitten porn every now and then. Or even the occasional Puppy Torture site.

The other thing that bothers me is this little statement. "This is so boardering beastiality." Five fucking words in the damn sentence and two of them are misspelled! The bestiality thing I could understand, it's not necessarily a common word, but "boardering," damn that's annoying.

The last thing, and creepiest are those Halloween Costumes. That is the creepiest shit I believe I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine seeing these two guys showing up in diapers with shit all over their face wearing Thomas The Tank Engine bibs at any party that I would care to be at. The only thing creepier than kitten porn is adult babies.

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Put A Boot In My Ass. Toby Keith Supports Obama!

It's been way too long since we have been graced with the sweet sweet sounds of Country music's patriotic American anthems. Songs like "Courtesy of the Red, White, And Blue," by Toby Keith, "Have You Forgotten?" by Darryl Worly, or "Where were you(when the world stopped turnin')" by Alan Jackson changed Country music forever.

Country music is no longer just about heartache, gettin' drunk, or Boot Scootin' Achy Breakin' Chattahoochie Watermelon crawls. It is now educational and informative. So for those of you that couldn't tell me "the difference between Iraq and Iran," and don't care to base your opinions on anything more than the catch phrase repeating, out of touch, knuckle dragging hayseeds you normally hang out with well then here's another video from the other side so you can't say tried to sway you one way or another. Leave that to our Foot Stompin', Hillbilly Heroes. Yeeehaw and yeeeuuugggghhhhhh!

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Life is Not Tried...?

Garth Brooks. The name rouses contempt in the hearts of music-lovers. A 10-gallon hat filled with base lyrics, shoddy rhythms and the lingering scent of Old El Paso. Unlike your typical pop music, modern country does not shy away from vomiting its so-called message over the listener's head, torso and pants region, and then onto the couch, carpet, coffee-table and half-filled beer bottle. And with an obligatory fiddle and steel guitar accompaniment.

Thank you, Garth.

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Random Movie Clip

Yes, that's Bill Cosby. Yes, he's ballet-dancing and shaving man-chickens. No, you may not borrow my copy of "Leonard: Part 6."

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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

One Polar Bear's Poo Is Another Man's Treasure

Talk about capturing the moment. First of all people, don't polar bears normally relieve themselves on land (...well ice anyway)? I mean the cloud of poo that bear lets out only spells one thing here, diiaaarrrrhhheea! He must of been pretty embarassed, seeing as how he couldn't get to the bathroom and what not. Put yourself in the bear's shoes here, he's having unbelievable stomach cramps while trying to get to the crapper when, "uh oh...oh my god, oh damn...can't stop, aahhhhh (a sigh of bitter relief)", only to look over and see some jerk capturing his dirty moment on camera..."Shit!" Pardon the pun...

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

No, This Isn't Spam Mail But You Do Have A Virus

For those of you that aren't too shy to exchange E-mail addresses with the person on the other side of the glory hole but too ashamed to tell them they are leaving with a parting gift, there is now inSPOT, An E-card service that easily allows you to notify your long list of whoretotes and strumpets that they just got Cupid's Itch from your rusty rifle. Thank you internet for making our lives better and better everyday.

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Do Ugly People Need To Dress Up For Halloween?

In the spirit of the upcoming Halloween fun and festivities I started thinking, "Do ugly people even bother dressing up or do they just stay in their everyday attire?" I thought that some of you people out there might like to see some of the ugliest people we could find out in cyberspace. It is in this bloggers e-pinion that these are by far the ugliest. Don't you people think that these faces could serve as masks or that these clothes could serve as costumes? They look pretty scary to me. By all means, if you think you can beat any of these...send them to us, and I promise you'll see them posted...

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Is McDonald's Putting Crack In Their Burgers?

Geez, I sure hope this is crack that he's addicted to and not McDonalds' cheeseburgers. I'm a big fan of the McDonalds' double cheez, but if I am going to have to start singing and dancing to eat one...well, that's one thing that nobody wants to get addicted to, much less have to go to rehab explaining, "I got these cheezburgers man...I'll suck yo d**k man...for some cheezburgers..." That's just embarrasing.

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

When Pumpkins Party

If any of you have ever wondered what would happen if you're pumpkin didn't listen to you...partied too hard one night and came home puking. Now you know, pumpkins do  party too. I feel sorry for the little guy. Apparently he got excited before the big night or maybe they were doing a little celebrating on Halloween, but this guy definitely had too much. They're drinking Tecate, Heinekin and Moosehead. That's what you get. You know after studying this picture, this might actually be a family, but what kind of an example is this pumpkin setting for his little brother or even son? That's all we need...another dead beat pumpkin not paying his child support.

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New Guitar Hero: Phish

This is for all my Phriends that got Hampton tickets in the lottery. Phuck YOU!

Great Trey face by the way.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tonight's Main Event: Obama Vs. McCain

I wish these debates were as exciting as this cartoon. They really should start throwing some real shots in there. Shake this thing up a bit. Get personal. I'd like to see Obama threaten to break old man McCain's hip. Or McCain tell Obama he's "'bout to git gangsta' on yo ass!"

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Pimp Daddy Bitch Slap

I really wish I could understand German. You know that guy saw the camera and was like, "Hey man, am I on Teeeveeee!"

Whhhaaaaap! You can't get away with shit like that in America. First of all, he'd see the guy wearing nice clothes, and immediately think CHA CHING! LAWSUIT! This guy actually backs away like it was his fault. "Ohh, excuse me sir, I didn't mean to interrupt your important broadcast...Thanks for reminding me where my place is."

The guy doesn't even skip a beat. He just turns down the street and keeps on blathering about whatever. I love it.

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Crap Rap

Is it just me or do these girls look innappropriately young to be reenacting some of these lyrics? Pedobear says no.

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More Things To Do In The Trailer Park When You're Bored

I know when I think about shitting in a box, the first thing that comes to mind is the 'ol Alabama Hot Pocket. But this is not quite that depraved and disgusting. Just a great example of the imagination a can of sardines, a pack of doral 100's, and a 12 pack of PBR can inspire.

Can you imagine what that vienna sausage and pickled egg turd smelled like smoldering in a confined space for a few hours?

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Phish Lottery Phail

Well, I just got the bad news. We regret to inform you that you did not get the tickets that you requested through Phish Tickets. Does anyone else find it irritating they make their four year comeback in a place that only holds about 13,500 people. Not that the spaceship isn't a great venue but damn. I hate fighting the Saturday morning Ticketmaster refresh panic but I guess it's my only chance. How many requests do you think they actually received? I'm guessing a minimum of 10 times the amount of people that place will hold. Oh well, it ain't over 'till the fat vacuum player in a dress sings so good luck my phriends.

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Eye Of The Hawk Select Ale

Of all the beers worth writing about, so far I think this one's going to take the cake. For us a good beer, whether full of hops or full of malts, has a distinct taste characterized by a variety of flavors and of course has to have an abnormally high alcohol content. Well people I'm here to say that Eye Of The Hawk Select Ale brewed by the Mendocino Brewing Company is no exception to the rule. This beer is full of flavor and deceptively strong at 8% alc/vol. Like the alcohol content, the aromas of malt, fruit and caramel will overpower you on the pour. This is truly a wonderful beer, so I'm going to leave you with three simple words, "just try it....."

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Monday, October 13, 2008

Mr. Hands Halloween Costume

Good God! Look at the size of that baby arm! That would be the costume of the year if somebody followed this horse around with a Mr. Hands costume.

Although, a costume portraying death by perforated colon and a horse with a giant swinging dick may be a little risqué for the general public. It's hard for me to get a clear perspective on public appropriateness these days. I've spent way too much time in the back alleys of the world wide web for me to be the judge.

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The Cox Sisters

The trailer twins are at it again. I love a good sibling rivalry. Especially when it involves confederate flag bikini's, Budweiser, beaded shirts, and sign language.

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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Finnish Folk Metal

This is just like when I discovered Pink Floyd's Meddle album after years of hearing The Wall and Dark Side Of The Moon. All this time, I was thinking Norwegian Death Metal was where it's at when all along Finnish Folk Metal was the real scene.

Check out the moves on that fiddle player. Jean Luc Ponty, eat your heart out. I haven't seen that kind of enthusiasm since Ben Stein's cameo in Ghostbusters 2.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Things To Do In The Trailer Park When You're Bored

Here's a new series that we think is going to be better than potted meat and peanut butter crackers. Believe it or not, there are actually video cameras and youtube in trailer parks. Thank God. There's only so many hours of the day where you can cook meth. Here's a double dose to start you off right.

"I'm gon' git up and show you my goddamn high water britches! I don't give a fuck! Ooohhhhh...Muscadine wine."

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This Guy Will Never Have Sex Without Paying For It

Does anyone else want to slap the shit out of this guy? This loser brings out that primordial aggressive instinct in me that makes me want to hamstring this extra chromasomer and leave him to the lions in order to keep the rest of the herd moving faster.

In the fourth circle of hell, there are a thousand of these guys simultaneously trying to tell you stories about how they accidentally killed their pet turtle when they were a kid because they were trying to mutate it into a real ninja turtle.

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Man's Best Friend?

We've all had an animal, dog or cat, watch us undress, use the bathroom and sometimes even watch us late night in bed with a loved one. At what point do we draw the line? Well people, I think I've found that fact this dachsund might actually be the line! That's 'effin creepy, gives me the heebie jeebies. How could you say no to those cute puppy eyes or refuse a loving lick from those cute puppy lips?

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Apple's iPod...Never Leave Home Without It

The iPod is becoming the American Express you currently have in your back pocket or purse. You never leave home without it, and this is a perfect example. Apparently it doesn't matter who you are, where you are or what language you speak...Apple has a product for you. This dude's in the middle of an African desert surrounded by nothing with an AK47 in hand and a lip the size of Jamaica, but things must not be too bad because he still has time for his music. It would be funny to see this guy getting ready before he walks out the door to go to work. "Let's see here ok; wallet, check...ak47, conch shell necklace, over-sized lip saucer, oh-yeah perfect, check...oops, almost forgot the iPod. Man, that would have been a long walk back to the village..."

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Monday, October 6, 2008

The Early Bird Gets The Worm

If you're a dude and have ever considered allowing someone to bury you in the sand...this depiction should be enough to dissuade your decision. Although, from the looks of this guy that's probably the most action he's seen in a long time. And yet another interpretation from a more imaginative mind could assume that was a homosexual pelican raping this poor defenseless old man while his disgruntled wife and child watch. Is that zinc oxide on the old man's nose? 

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OJ Simpson Is Going To Prison

It's been 13 years since OJ Simpson beat the murder charges for his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her, uh, friend Ron Goldman, but not this time. Sorry Juice, but this time you aren't getting off that easy. The sentencing is scheduled for December 5th and he could get a life sentence. I suppose the upside to this whole scenario is he'll have plenty of his old sports memorabilia to decorate his prison cell...eww that's cold.

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Thursday, October 2, 2008


When people are always asking you how many weiners can you fit in your mouth at one time, chances are you're either Takeru Kobayashi (the hot dog eating champion), Disney Kid, or Jenna Jameson. This can occasionally be true but unforgivable also if you're a struggling actor with bills to pay.

"I aspire to have no values. None at all. I'm valueless. That's my value." Truer words have never been spoken. To degrade yourself this far, you would have to have the values of a potato. How does this guy look himself in the mirror in the mornings when he wakes up? "What ever happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type. That was an American." -Tony Soprano

What do you think this guy was thinking about during his audition? Okay, lets get in character. This could be my big break. I'm a retarded dragon muppet with butterfly wings. I have terrible eating habits and I want to share them with the world! Yes! I've got my inspiration....Bleeeeeeggggcccchhhhh. I hope this guy gets crossbowed to death and mixed into potions that turn people into frogs.

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The Freckled Finger

Ned? Ned Ryerson? To hell with being afraid of the boogeyman, it's those pink leotarded memory repressors you really should have feared as a child.

If you ever wonder why you've always associated the slight tickle of a chin whisker on your back and a gentle waft of whiskey breath over your shoulder with a toothache, it may be time to call your therapist.

This little piece of art was created by our good friend Pat over at The Freckled Finger. Pat's work is 80% genius and 20% degeneracy so I know you sick fucks will enjoy this like-minded soul's creativity. You'll definitely be seeing a lot more of his work on BH in the near future.

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The Price Is Wrong

I've seen some dumb tattoos in my day, but nothing compares to this...except for maybe, oh say, a tattoo on your 'effin forehead. Now before we go any further let me say this, I miss Bob Barker on The Price Is Right just as much as the next man. Things just aren't the same with Drew Carey, but Holy Hell that doesn't mean I'm going to give 'ol Bobby Boy a lifelong tribute on my freakin' arm. Can you imagine being this woman's husband and waking up one saturday morning excited to not have to go into slowly wipe the crust out of your eyes and roll over to say "Good Morning" only to find Bob Barker staring back at you saying "Come on down..." Ridiculous, marinate on that for a little bit...

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Beat It

How many dicks do you have to suck before this seems like a valid thing to put out for all the world to see? Who are these people that spend their time making worthless videos like this? And why do I enjoy watching these people make damn fools of themselves? Is there any circle of dorks where two guys with matching clothes and matching bad hair cuts can punch dance their way to cool?

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Phish Is Back - Hampton, VA March 2009

This is no joke or rumor heard it here first (or maybe just read it.) Either way, the boys are back in town! Great news, Phish made an official announcement today that they were reuniting. The band's spokeswoman confirmed three tour dates on March 6, 7, and 8 of 2009. They'll be playing at the Hampton Coliseum located where else but Hampton, Virginia. I don't know about you guys, but in this bloggers epinion this four year sabbatical has gone on for long enough. I can't wait, we'll see all of our old phriends there....

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