Sunday, December 7, 2008

That's What You Get- Pogo Rape

How far do you think you can jam a pogo stick up your ass? I bet it would go a lot further if he tried the other end. But that's what you get I suppose from a kid that's attempting pogo stick freestyle. Dipshit.

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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Vince Noir And The Crack Fox

This may be the funniest shit I have ever seen. I can't wait for this show to be released in America. This may be the best comedy I have seen since The Upright Citizens Brigade.

"Ima dunna Tummy Shame." -Crack Fox

"That is well Rank. What's wrong with you?" -Vince Noir

"It's my diet." -Crack Fox

"What have you been eatin'?" -Vince Noir

"Head and Shoulders. Toothpaste. And shit. Big pieces of shit." -Crack Fox

You've got to be on some serious drugs to think up some shit like this. If you're interested, this comes from a show called The Mighty Boosh and it comes on the BBC. It's well worth checking out. So before you head off to fuzzy tingle time, don't forget to shine your kind boots mr. fancy man.

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Wine to Whine

This one's an oldie, but a classic nevertheless. For those of you that have never seen it, enjoy the next minute and a half. Oww, Oww, Ewww, Owww....

And now a moment from our sponsers...

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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Retard Vs. Mime

Pop Quiz. What do you hate the most? Mimes or Retards? This comes from the series Retarded Policeman by Mediocre Films. There is a whole series starring this guy and he is funny as hell.

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$1,000,000 Hole-In-One Winner

Check out our very own James Foley in a follow-up interview after sinking his first hole-in-one to win a million dollars last month. For those of you not in the know, check out James Foley's million dollar hole-in-one here. How was the trip to Las Vegas James?

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Tuesday, December 2, 2008


“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. ...You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.” -Jim Morrison.

Mmmmmmmmmmm....I'm guessing there are a few repressed memories lurking behind this little juggalette's clown make-up. I've seen a few Insane Clown Posse freaks but usually they're about 350 lbs. and strolling through the trailer park. If you haven't seen one. Here is a very typical ICP fan.


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Happy Birthday Britney Spears

Was it really that long ago that Britney Spears was showing off her crotch? Well, apparently it was and as history may have it she's always been known to party on her birthday and definitely never misses a photo op, though that last one may have been a mistake. We at BH just wanted to take a moment to wish Britney a Happy Birthday; we hope you party your ass off. You've supposedly cleaned up your act to promote your new album Circus, and we all think it's cute that you're releasing it on your birthday. (WTF?...a circus themed album release/birthday party) Most people would think that was great, personally we feel you've fallen off the band wagon and were much cooler when you rocked out like Sid Vicious.

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Monday, December 1, 2008

Douchy Dancing

Here's a little test for you. How much is too much? Where is that point where you go from thinking something is embarrasingly funny to just over the line douche chill inducing uncomfortableness.

Look how uncomfortable the guy in the red shirt looks. You know he's wanting to push that guy to the bottom of the bleachers for getting him even remotely involved in his little gay outburst of dancing enthusiasm. His awkard smile is the only thing he can muster. And he's just an innocent bystander. Don't you hate that feeling when you are watching someone make an ass of themselves.

This guy just has no excuse whatsoever. He is totally over the line. It's so incredibly revolting that it has turned into funny again.

Holy Shit it's Chris Kattan!

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Caffeine Bomb

We know how tough it is to get your shit going after a long weekend. Monday mornings can be a bitch after pounds of turkey and gallons of beer. Here's a little something that will put a little zing in your step. A Caffeine Bomb.

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

Pardon the Turkey

This is a tribute to all of those lonely turkeys out there that have lost a loved one this November. You should know that the death of your loved one was not in vain; your loved one was delicious. Happy Thanksgiving to all, and now a moment of silence...How ridiculous? Did you know that George W. Bush pardoned a turkey?

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Drunk Driver Sobriety Test Fail

Here's 30 seconds of complete embarrassment. I wonder if this guy's seen his own sobriety test footage. More importantly is that the sound of his eye cracking when he braces himself from the fall with his face?

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Country Music Loses Political Theme To Hip Hop

Look out Toby Keith, Alan Jackson, and all the rest of the bandwagon hayseeds. There is a new theme in town! OBAMA! Gone are the days of Al-Qaeda bashing and Bin Laden smashing anthems. Now we have Obama as our savior rhymes.

Paint the White House black, and I'm sure that's got 'em terrified...

McCain don't belong in any chair unless he's paralyzed.

I love the shot of Obama dribbling the basketball around at the end. Very Gangsta'.

I don't even know what to say about that one. And of course the man that spawned them all. Will.I.Am.

So what have we learned here boys and girls. There are plenty of stupid people no matter what color or creed you belong to. As long as there are retards out there that are willing to get behind this garbage, there are retards willing to exploit their stupidity.

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Monday, November 24, 2008

Too Many Bumper Stickers, Not Enough Time

How many bumper stickers are TOO MANY? At what point does our stoplight entertainment just become distracting? We all have a guilty pleasure of reviewing the bumper stickers on cars ahead of us, but we know who we're dealing with that's why. This one is a perfect example that our Freedom of Speech should actually be a "Privilege of Speech." I personally think that this individual's right to express his or her personal opinions through prefabricated car stickers should be revoked...

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Breckenridge Small Batch 471 IPA

This weeks beer pick goes to the Breckenridge Brewery's Small Batch 471 IPA. This is an American Double Imperial IPA brewed in Breckenridge, Colorado. It's extremely hoppy with some malty hints that come through to make this a very well-rounded and quite refreshing brew. It pours a golden, copper color with a nice thick head, but don't let it fool you...this one isn't a beer for your little sister with its huge ABV (9.2% alc./vol. to be exact). This is a big beer and every bit of delicious.

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Geriatric Church Choir Gone Wild

This one speaks for itself...a senior citizen church choir singing rap songs. "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your robes." No wait, STOP, you're old. Many thanks to M.T.O. for the find.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Old Man Finds Rare Primate That Was Thought To Be Extinct

An antique store owner, Mr. Weng, rediscovers the rarest primate thought to be extinct, the Pygmy Tarsier, in the mountains of Rorekatimbo in Indonesia. The old man was out taking a walk with his grandson on his lunch break when he came across this adorable creature. This nocturnal animal is rare in the fact that it spends most of its' time awake at night but never eats after midnight. That is also the reason the Mogw...Errrr Pygmy Tarsier has such large eyes. It hates the sunlight so it spends most of the daylight hiding its' sensitive skinfrom the dangerous rays.

"You do with mogwai what your society... has done with all of nature's gifts. You do not understand." Mr. Weng tells reporters. Our best guest was this means he was planning to serve this little guy as the dinner special at his nephew's China Palace #467 Super Grand Buffet but we were too busy staring at that creepy, hazy lifeless eye to really pay any heed to they ramblings of an old man.

Strangely enough, while we were in Indonesia reporting for this story, one of our photographers caught a glimpse of another unidentified species that had snuck into the hotel kitchen and was helping itself to some cookies. As our photographer approached the creature, he said it sounded as if it was repeating "Yum, Yum, Yum," over and over again.

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C.anine E.rectile D.ysfunction

Everyone stop what you're doing and buy stock in Pfizer, because this little doozy's going to be huge. Bonerol is the new Viagra for dogs; shah, as if they aren't humping enough legs...

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Up Shit Creek Without A Paddle?

Are you up Shit Creek without a paddle? Well come on down, we have a paddle for you...

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Vomit On Your Face

As if vomiting isn't awful enough. This poor girl gets a load in the face. Is that pilot doing tricks? Watch the vomit travel up the clear "sick bag." Gross...

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Friday, November 14, 2008

Founders Breakfast Stout

I'm going to keep this one short and sweet people, after all it is Friday and most definitely beer-o-clock right now. OK...I'm drinking a Breakfast Stout by the Founders Brewing Company out of Grand Rapids, Michigan right now and quite frankly I want to give it all of the respect it deserves. This beer is an American Imperial Stout and unbelievably tasty. It's almost a dessert beer; a well-balanced, creamy, chocolate malt with a remarkable hint of roasted coffee beans. It pours thick and black with a light brown head, much like a Guinness and weighs in at a hefty 8.3% alc./vol. Sorry guys that's all for now, my beer is waiting on me...just drink it.

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Renegade Advertiser

I was driving around this afternoon looking for a place to have lunch. As I exited the highway into a very busy commercial area, I saw a young gentleman standing on the sidewalk carrying a Circuit City Sale sign. The only reason this even registered in my mind was that earlier that day, a customer of mine told me Circuit City will be closing 150 stores due to bankruptcy.

I realized that this was obviously one of those stores and this guy was probably getting $50 bucks to stand out here for a day. If he was smart, he might even be hiding a little flask in his pocket and making the best of the fresh air. At least this gig wouldn't be as undignified as those assholes that stand on the corner during tax season wearing those degrading lady liberty suits.

After a quick lunch, as I head back towards the main road, I get stuck in a bit of a traffic jam. Apparently, there was a four car pile-up that was blocking my ability to turn right to get back on the highway. As I approach the accident, who do I see standing right in the middle of the damn road at the last car in this pile-up? That dumb asshole with the Circuit City Clearance sign wearing a face mask to hide his shameless shit-head grin.

Just a couple of notes of detail. As you can see from the photo, this guy is really standing in the middle of this extremely busy intersection. The most opportune place you could possibly be if you want to show off your advertisement. You will also note the other two guys standing next to the truck are wearing short-sleeves. The hood and the face mask were not at all appropriate for the weather. It was easily sixty-five degrees.

I have to give this guy some credit for his tenacity. It takes a lot of balls to exploit the suffering of complete strangers. Which begs the question, why would this guy make this bold step for a throwaway job with so little responsibility, his only competition is a stake?

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Middle Aged Metal

I believe this is the first time I have seen the combination of eighties hair metal perm, zombie make-up, and a bald spot. I thought these guys were a joke until I talked to their number 1 fan Destiny Olsen from Chanute, Kansas.

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Drew Pickles Goes To Wendy's

What the fuck is going on here? A poopy cheeseburger and a cum frosty? Either a seven year old did this or a fucking genius. This is way too strange to not have some kind of backstory. If anyone knows where this came from please let me know. Why would the dad from Rugrats want to rape everyone in Wendy's that stands between him and his shit-burger?

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

If Pickles Were Money

Here's a little ditty I stumbled upon. I have to warn you that this song is extremely catchy and will get stuck in your head. Written by Guy Bauer and sung by the Great Count Chocula, "If Pickles Were Money," is nothing if not ambitious.

So "When you think about pickles what comes to mind? Little tasty treats covered in slime."

I'm thinking this may be how we get our economy back on track.

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Tasty Road Treats

It occurred to me today that despite our current US economic crisis and failing markets worldwide, China excluded of course, that perhaps life does go on. I started thinking that life isn’t all about money even though that’s currently what’s on everyone’s mind (mine included). The fact is there are people in third world countries that don’t have economies to worry about; they have to worry about more serious issues like “what am I going to eat today?” or “damn, I don’t feel like walking 3 miles to get that drink of water.” Most of us don’t have much to spare now-a-days, but each of us can still do our part. I’m going to stand up for what I believe in. Everyone knows that we are a wasteful nation. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t pass a dead deer on the side of the road or some other unfortunate animal that didn’t make it across that busy intersection. If each and every one of us took the time to pull over and collect that roadkill, freeze and overnight it to the starving children of Somalia; the world would be a better place. Who’s with me?

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Roadkill, It's What's For Dinner

It occurred to me today that despite our current US economic crisis and failing markets worldwide, China excluded of course, that perhaps life does go on. I started thinking that life isn’t all about money even though that’s currently what’s on everyone’s mind (mine included). The fact is there are people in third world countries that don’t have economies to worry about; they have to worry about more serious issues like “what am I going to eat today?” or “damn, I don’t feel like walking 3 miles to get that drink of water.” Most of us don’t have much to spare now-a-days, but each of us can still do our part. I’m going to stand up for what I believe in. Everyone knows that we are a wasteful nation. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t pass a dead deer on the side of the road or some other unfortunate animal that didn’t make it across that busy intersection. If each and every one of us took the time to pull over and collect that roadkill, freeze and overnight it to the starving children of Somalia; the world would be a better place. Who’s with me?

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Monday, November 10, 2008

The Ultimate Superhero

Is this thing cool or what? Seriously, talk about the ultimate superhero; Mystique eat your heart out. This Indonesian Mimic Octupus reminds me of those slippery politicians in Washington that change their disguises at the drop of a hat...

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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Don't Honk At Old People

We're all guilty of being impatient with the elderly, whether they're behind the wheel of a vehicle or just simply taking too long to do whatever it is that they're doing. Well, beware people sometimes the tables do turn...

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Million Dollar Hole-In-One

James Foley of High Point, NC made a 165-yard hole-in-one and won a million dollars for it. The charity golf tournament, sponsored by Outback Steakhouse, was held at Devils Ridge Golf Club located in Holly Springs. He's going down in the books as the 10th person in the history of golf to win a million dollars on a hole-in-one. I kid you not people, check out the story here...

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The Evolution of the Dildo

Nice “rockdo”. It’s nice to see that some things never change (even with evolution). I suppose the message that science has provided us is that we should make the best out of every situation (no matter what the time period). Next time cave-dude, “consider joining the party…”

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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Nerds Pwnly!

Here is a store that is sadly destined to fail. I love the leet reference but probably not the best marketing idea. I'm sure every old lady in this town has already written this place off as a pawn shop owned by some damn foreigner that can't spell.

The truth is, I guarantee you the pwner looks a hell of a lot more like one of these two creeps. The only thing being Pwned! in this place is your sweet virgin ass.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

When Monkeys Misbehave

That's one horny monkey...

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This Hooters Waitress Has Talent

In the spirit of Halloween we at BH have been poking fun of random web chodes in stupid, strange costumes and the occasional ugly guy. We thought that in light of the upcoming festivities, that we should show some appreciation to our best dressed, Halloween costume participant. We recognize the fact that there are many hard-working, respectable women at Hooters' locations all across the country, after all it is a fine eating establishment with tasty beer and delicious wings. However, I think the majority of us just go to catch a game and check out the talent. Whether the ladies are redneck or not, young or old, sometimes talent is simply talent, but shouldn't there be employee age restrictions?

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Costume I Never Ever Want To See Again

I don't even know what to say about this. There are many things going on here that bother me. First of all, the kitten drinking the milk out of the belly-button is naturally a little off. Not that I'm denouncing this as immoral and abhorrent, it's just that everyone knows that milk gives kittens worms. Hell, we all love a little kitten porn every now and then. Or even the occasional Puppy Torture site.

The other thing that bothers me is this little statement. "This is so boardering beastiality." Five fucking words in the damn sentence and two of them are misspelled! The bestiality thing I could understand, it's not necessarily a common word, but "boardering," damn that's annoying.

The last thing, and creepiest are those Halloween Costumes. That is the creepiest shit I believe I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine seeing these two guys showing up in diapers with shit all over their face wearing Thomas The Tank Engine bibs at any party that I would care to be at. The only thing creepier than kitten porn is adult babies.

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Put A Boot In My Ass. Toby Keith Supports Obama!

It's been way too long since we have been graced with the sweet sweet sounds of Country music's patriotic American anthems. Songs like "Courtesy of the Red, White, And Blue," by Toby Keith, "Have You Forgotten?" by Darryl Worly, or "Where were you(when the world stopped turnin')" by Alan Jackson changed Country music forever.

Country music is no longer just about heartache, gettin' drunk, or Boot Scootin' Achy Breakin' Chattahoochie Watermelon crawls. It is now educational and informative. So for those of you that couldn't tell me "the difference between Iraq and Iran," and don't care to base your opinions on anything more than the catch phrase repeating, out of touch, knuckle dragging hayseeds you normally hang out with well then here's another video from the other side so you can't say tried to sway you one way or another. Leave that to our Foot Stompin', Hillbilly Heroes. Yeeehaw and yeeeuuugggghhhhhh!

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Life is Not Tried...?

Garth Brooks. The name rouses contempt in the hearts of music-lovers. A 10-gallon hat filled with base lyrics, shoddy rhythms and the lingering scent of Old El Paso. Unlike your typical pop music, modern country does not shy away from vomiting its so-called message over the listener's head, torso and pants region, and then onto the couch, carpet, coffee-table and half-filled beer bottle. And with an obligatory fiddle and steel guitar accompaniment.

Thank you, Garth.

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Random Movie Clip

Yes, that's Bill Cosby. Yes, he's ballet-dancing and shaving man-chickens. No, you may not borrow my copy of "Leonard: Part 6."

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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

One Polar Bear's Poo Is Another Man's Treasure

Talk about capturing the moment. First of all people, don't polar bears normally relieve themselves on land (...well ice anyway)? I mean the cloud of poo that bear lets out only spells one thing here, diiaaarrrrhhheea! He must of been pretty embarassed, seeing as how he couldn't get to the bathroom and what not. Put yourself in the bear's shoes here, he's having unbelievable stomach cramps while trying to get to the crapper when, "uh oh...oh my god, oh damn...can't stop, aahhhhh (a sigh of bitter relief)", only to look over and see some jerk capturing his dirty moment on camera..."Shit!" Pardon the pun...

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

No, This Isn't Spam Mail But You Do Have A Virus

For those of you that aren't too shy to exchange E-mail addresses with the person on the other side of the glory hole but too ashamed to tell them they are leaving with a parting gift, there is now inSPOT, An E-card service that easily allows you to notify your long list of whoretotes and strumpets that they just got Cupid's Itch from your rusty rifle. Thank you internet for making our lives better and better everyday.

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Do Ugly People Need To Dress Up For Halloween?

In the spirit of the upcoming Halloween fun and festivities I started thinking, "Do ugly people even bother dressing up or do they just stay in their everyday attire?" I thought that some of you people out there might like to see some of the ugliest people we could find out in cyberspace. It is in this bloggers e-pinion that these are by far the ugliest. Don't you people think that these faces could serve as masks or that these clothes could serve as costumes? They look pretty scary to me. By all means, if you think you can beat any of these...send them to us, and I promise you'll see them posted...

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Is McDonald's Putting Crack In Their Burgers?

Geez, I sure hope this is crack that he's addicted to and not McDonalds' cheeseburgers. I'm a big fan of the McDonalds' double cheez, but if I am going to have to start singing and dancing to eat one...well, that's one thing that nobody wants to get addicted to, much less have to go to rehab explaining, "I got these cheezburgers man...I'll suck yo d**k man...for some cheezburgers..." That's just embarrasing.

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

When Pumpkins Party

If any of you have ever wondered what would happen if you're pumpkin didn't listen to you...partied too hard one night and came home puking. Now you know, pumpkins do  party too. I feel sorry for the little guy. Apparently he got excited before the big night or maybe they were doing a little celebrating on Halloween, but this guy definitely had too much. They're drinking Tecate, Heinekin and Moosehead. That's what you get. You know after studying this picture, this might actually be a family, but what kind of an example is this pumpkin setting for his little brother or even son? That's all we need...another dead beat pumpkin not paying his child support.

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New Guitar Hero: Phish

This is for all my Phriends that got Hampton tickets in the lottery. Phuck YOU!

Great Trey face by the way.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tonight's Main Event: Obama Vs. McCain

I wish these debates were as exciting as this cartoon. They really should start throwing some real shots in there. Shake this thing up a bit. Get personal. I'd like to see Obama threaten to break old man McCain's hip. Or McCain tell Obama he's "'bout to git gangsta' on yo ass!"

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Pimp Daddy Bitch Slap

I really wish I could understand German. You know that guy saw the camera and was like, "Hey man, am I on Teeeveeee!"

Whhhaaaaap! You can't get away with shit like that in America. First of all, he'd see the guy wearing nice clothes, and immediately think CHA CHING! LAWSUIT! This guy actually backs away like it was his fault. "Ohh, excuse me sir, I didn't mean to interrupt your important broadcast...Thanks for reminding me where my place is."

The guy doesn't even skip a beat. He just turns down the street and keeps on blathering about whatever. I love it.

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Crap Rap

Is it just me or do these girls look innappropriately young to be reenacting some of these lyrics? Pedobear says no.

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More Things To Do In The Trailer Park When You're Bored

I know when I think about shitting in a box, the first thing that comes to mind is the 'ol Alabama Hot Pocket. But this is not quite that depraved and disgusting. Just a great example of the imagination a can of sardines, a pack of doral 100's, and a 12 pack of PBR can inspire.

Can you imagine what that vienna sausage and pickled egg turd smelled like smoldering in a confined space for a few hours?

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Phish Lottery Phail

Well, I just got the bad news. We regret to inform you that you did not get the tickets that you requested through Phish Tickets. Does anyone else find it irritating they make their four year comeback in a place that only holds about 13,500 people. Not that the spaceship isn't a great venue but damn. I hate fighting the Saturday morning Ticketmaster refresh panic but I guess it's my only chance. How many requests do you think they actually received? I'm guessing a minimum of 10 times the amount of people that place will hold. Oh well, it ain't over 'till the fat vacuum player in a dress sings so good luck my phriends.

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Eye Of The Hawk Select Ale

Of all the beers worth writing about, so far I think this one's going to take the cake. For us a good beer, whether full of hops or full of malts, has a distinct taste characterized by a variety of flavors and of course has to have an abnormally high alcohol content. Well people I'm here to say that Eye Of The Hawk Select Ale brewed by the Mendocino Brewing Company is no exception to the rule. This beer is full of flavor and deceptively strong at 8% alc/vol. Like the alcohol content, the aromas of malt, fruit and caramel will overpower you on the pour. This is truly a wonderful beer, so I'm going to leave you with three simple words, "just try it....."

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Monday, October 13, 2008

Mr. Hands Halloween Costume

Good God! Look at the size of that baby arm! That would be the costume of the year if somebody followed this horse around with a Mr. Hands costume.

Although, a costume portraying death by perforated colon and a horse with a giant swinging dick may be a little risqué for the general public. It's hard for me to get a clear perspective on public appropriateness these days. I've spent way too much time in the back alleys of the world wide web for me to be the judge.

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The Cox Sisters

The trailer twins are at it again. I love a good sibling rivalry. Especially when it involves confederate flag bikini's, Budweiser, beaded shirts, and sign language.

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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Finnish Folk Metal

This is just like when I discovered Pink Floyd's Meddle album after years of hearing The Wall and Dark Side Of The Moon. All this time, I was thinking Norwegian Death Metal was where it's at when all along Finnish Folk Metal was the real scene.

Check out the moves on that fiddle player. Jean Luc Ponty, eat your heart out. I haven't seen that kind of enthusiasm since Ben Stein's cameo in Ghostbusters 2.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Things To Do In The Trailer Park When You're Bored

Here's a new series that we think is going to be better than potted meat and peanut butter crackers. Believe it or not, there are actually video cameras and youtube in trailer parks. Thank God. There's only so many hours of the day where you can cook meth. Here's a double dose to start you off right.

"I'm gon' git up and show you my goddamn high water britches! I don't give a fuck! Ooohhhhh...Muscadine wine."

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This Guy Will Never Have Sex Without Paying For It

Does anyone else want to slap the shit out of this guy? This loser brings out that primordial aggressive instinct in me that makes me want to hamstring this extra chromasomer and leave him to the lions in order to keep the rest of the herd moving faster.

In the fourth circle of hell, there are a thousand of these guys simultaneously trying to tell you stories about how they accidentally killed their pet turtle when they were a kid because they were trying to mutate it into a real ninja turtle.

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Man's Best Friend?

We've all had an animal, dog or cat, watch us undress, use the bathroom and sometimes even watch us late night in bed with a loved one. At what point do we draw the line? Well people, I think I've found that fact this dachsund might actually be the line! That's 'effin creepy, gives me the heebie jeebies. How could you say no to those cute puppy eyes or refuse a loving lick from those cute puppy lips?

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Apple's iPod...Never Leave Home Without It

The iPod is becoming the American Express you currently have in your back pocket or purse. You never leave home without it, and this is a perfect example. Apparently it doesn't matter who you are, where you are or what language you speak...Apple has a product for you. This dude's in the middle of an African desert surrounded by nothing with an AK47 in hand and a lip the size of Jamaica, but things must not be too bad because he still has time for his music. It would be funny to see this guy getting ready before he walks out the door to go to work. "Let's see here ok; wallet, check...ak47, conch shell necklace, over-sized lip saucer, oh-yeah perfect, check...oops, almost forgot the iPod. Man, that would have been a long walk back to the village..."

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Monday, October 6, 2008

The Early Bird Gets The Worm

If you're a dude and have ever considered allowing someone to bury you in the sand...this depiction should be enough to dissuade your decision. Although, from the looks of this guy that's probably the most action he's seen in a long time. And yet another interpretation from a more imaginative mind could assume that was a homosexual pelican raping this poor defenseless old man while his disgruntled wife and child watch. Is that zinc oxide on the old man's nose? 

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OJ Simpson Is Going To Prison

It's been 13 years since OJ Simpson beat the murder charges for his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her, uh, friend Ron Goldman, but not this time. Sorry Juice, but this time you aren't getting off that easy. The sentencing is scheduled for December 5th and he could get a life sentence. I suppose the upside to this whole scenario is he'll have plenty of his old sports memorabilia to decorate his prison cell...eww that's cold.

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Thursday, October 2, 2008


When people are always asking you how many weiners can you fit in your mouth at one time, chances are you're either Takeru Kobayashi (the hot dog eating champion), Disney Kid, or Jenna Jameson. This can occasionally be true but unforgivable also if you're a struggling actor with bills to pay.

"I aspire to have no values. None at all. I'm valueless. That's my value." Truer words have never been spoken. To degrade yourself this far, you would have to have the values of a potato. How does this guy look himself in the mirror in the mornings when he wakes up? "What ever happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type. That was an American." -Tony Soprano

What do you think this guy was thinking about during his audition? Okay, lets get in character. This could be my big break. I'm a retarded dragon muppet with butterfly wings. I have terrible eating habits and I want to share them with the world! Yes! I've got my inspiration....Bleeeeeeggggcccchhhhh. I hope this guy gets crossbowed to death and mixed into potions that turn people into frogs.

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The Freckled Finger

Ned? Ned Ryerson? To hell with being afraid of the boogeyman, it's those pink leotarded memory repressors you really should have feared as a child.

If you ever wonder why you've always associated the slight tickle of a chin whisker on your back and a gentle waft of whiskey breath over your shoulder with a toothache, it may be time to call your therapist.

This little piece of art was created by our good friend Pat over at The Freckled Finger. Pat's work is 80% genius and 20% degeneracy so I know you sick fucks will enjoy this like-minded soul's creativity. You'll definitely be seeing a lot more of his work on BH in the near future.

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The Price Is Wrong

I've seen some dumb tattoos in my day, but nothing compares to this...except for maybe, oh say, a tattoo on your 'effin forehead. Now before we go any further let me say this, I miss Bob Barker on The Price Is Right just as much as the next man. Things just aren't the same with Drew Carey, but Holy Hell that doesn't mean I'm going to give 'ol Bobby Boy a lifelong tribute on my freakin' arm. Can you imagine being this woman's husband and waking up one saturday morning excited to not have to go into slowly wipe the crust out of your eyes and roll over to say "Good Morning" only to find Bob Barker staring back at you saying "Come on down..." Ridiculous, marinate on that for a little bit...

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Beat It

How many dicks do you have to suck before this seems like a valid thing to put out for all the world to see? Who are these people that spend their time making worthless videos like this? And why do I enjoy watching these people make damn fools of themselves? Is there any circle of dorks where two guys with matching clothes and matching bad hair cuts can punch dance their way to cool?

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Phish Is Back - Hampton, VA March 2009

This is no joke or rumor heard it here first (or maybe just read it.) Either way, the boys are back in town! Great news, Phish made an official announcement today that they were reuniting. The band's spokeswoman confirmed three tour dates on March 6, 7, and 8 of 2009. They'll be playing at the Hampton Coliseum located where else but Hampton, Virginia. I don't know about you guys, but in this bloggers epinion this four year sabbatical has gone on for long enough. I can't wait, we'll see all of our old phriends there....

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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Generation /b/

Here's something I haven't seen in quite a while. I have a sneaking suspicion that this may be one of the catalysts to the /b/ generation. These are some pretty heavy ideas to drop on an elementary school mind. Where can you really go from there? Certainly not Pokemon, or Magic: The Gathering, or Yu Gi Oh!(Whatever the fuck that is).

Noooooo. There are a certain group of us mid-twenties types that have continued to forage onward, despite having the worst things known to human kind thrown at us. There are many of you that think you know. But those of the /b/ generation know exactly what I'm talking about. We have seen things that make us wonder if we will ever be the same again. Things so abominable, one of our cultures defining characteristics has become anonymity.

And yet, we have continued onward. Sifting through the awful chat rooms that were GIF1, GIF2, JPG3 of Prodigy and AOL. Fighting the many viruses that stemmed from the more specific but horribly inconvenient newsgroups. Silently accepting being mixed in with the cynics of generation X and the logged in kids of generation Y. Well no fucking more. Because "sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here - the Dude from Los Angeles. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. The Dude, from Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here."

Nothing makes me more FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU than being associated with the LOLers and the WTFers of the trailer park that has become Youtube, Facebook, and MySpace. There is a large group that doesn't quite fit into either of these categories. The internet has become a culture all unto its own. And this culture has been broken down a million times into bloggers, trolls, memes, lulz, noobs, fappers, and a million other categories I don't care to name. But there is only one /b/tard. And for all your trickery, dastardliness, and depravity, I salute you. For there has never been anything like us and there never will be again. Except for this guy who was way ahead of his time

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Man Purse

Quick. Somebody find this guy's uncle and take him to jail. Repressed memories are a terrible thing to waste.

I hope the six year old girl he stole that bag from sees this video and turns him in. Any guesses about what kind of music that high school musical mp3 player contains? My three best guesses are Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, and The Jonas Brothers.

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Sorry people I have to squeeze in one more summer brew before we all get slammed with our Fall Seasonal Ales full of wheat and pumpkin spices. This wonderful beer we know as Oberon was released by Bell's Brewery, which is just east of Boulder, Colorado. Oberon is an American Wheat Ale full of citrus flavors and a spicy aftertaste. It pours a light, creamy orange and has a distinct balance of citrus, wheat and spicy hops. This one reminds me of a Blue Moon only I didn't have to take the time to slice the orange. It's light, crisp and perfect for a summer or early fall barbeque. It's a solid 5.8% alc/vol and worth every mouthful. Two thumbs up and cheers to Bell's Brewery...

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Pudding Beards

What do you get when you cross chocolate pudding and ADHD? A weird-beard that would make the cakefart lady jealous.

Do you ever wonder what you did on the weekends before you drank? Thank God they didn't have webcams when we were kids.

These girls are brave to dance around with shit-smeared faces and phallic shaped food. It wouldn't take a whole lot of photo shop magic to turn a few of these clips into a two girls one cup parody.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Random Movie Clip

A dour Rae Dawn Chong and Willie Nelson shooting lasers from his eyes at a totem pole can mean only one thing. If you know what the hell that one thing is, please let us know.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Hip Hop Violin

I'm sorry guys. I know you were wanting to see the famous piccolo playing rappist, but this will have to do for now. Maybe tomorrow, I'll turn you on to my personal favorite. Death Metal trombone. The guy plays a custom trombone. The slide looks like a leg bone and it sprays blood out of the bell. Very demonic.

And take a look at that 'tude. I don't think I will ever be afraid of an 80 pound, poodle haired violinist in pink but I do appreciate the effort. She plucks those strings like she was squeezin' off a few rounds from her Glock. She could have really classed this video up a little bit if she would take a heavy swig from a 40 oz. between breaks. Or have a burning blunt, tucked into the strings on the headstock Van Halen style.

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